Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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