shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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