I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
