dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
