so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
