go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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