I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
as a side note pls kill me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
