____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
