It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
