Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
