His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
