Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
