nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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