i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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