So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
MIDGETS
????
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
