Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
