I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
