Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
