drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
