Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
