and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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