Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
