I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
