So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
