I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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