saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was confusing and full of hummus
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
