So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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