Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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