i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
