If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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