There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
