Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
