Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
