her vagine was all disorganized.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
