You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
