The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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