My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
