puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
