You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
