You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
