The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
