I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize