In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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