i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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