dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
