im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize