My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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