I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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