you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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