Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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