and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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