I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
