So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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