Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hope mine doesn't look like that
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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