Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
