my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
