Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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