I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
