i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize