it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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