How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They took my balls.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
