She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
