bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
