I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
