I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
