the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
