i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
