Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
