everyone is single if you try hard enough
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
