I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize