i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
