I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
