The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
