Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
