I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
