I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
