adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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