Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
