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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
