Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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