when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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