i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
