I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize