your room smells of hookers.
And success
where does the pee come out of this thing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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