Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I need to align my fucking chakras
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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