He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
