if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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