If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
