I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
