That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
