Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize