i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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