Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
