I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
