Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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