3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
