There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
