that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize