Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
