i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
