the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I cannot find my penis.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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