i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
