id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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