this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
