it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
