thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
please come you make the beer taste better
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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